Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's September. Can I talk about the election now?

So I've avoided politics on the blog up to this point. And I'm not a fan of APATT (all politics all the time) like your American capitalist running dog TV channels seem to be. But Labor Day has come and gone, and it's an even-numbered year (Olympic, not World Cup) and that can mean only one thing:
It's time again for Gary to make wildly inaccurate prognostications. Look it up, folks, it means future telling. 

To wit: Yesterday, in a fit of wild glee, I told one of the other baseball coaches that I'd buy him a pizza if McCain wins ten states. I've since looked at a map, and there are way more than 10 fairly backward states. So, OK, I got a bit excited. (Part of me was hoping Sam would say he doesn't like the pizza at our Papa John's here. But no) 

In my defense, though...pregnant veep daughters and the beauty queen mayor's lobbying for earmarks that brought in $1000 for every man, woman, and (non-unborn) child in lil' Wasilla, AK? That's manna from heaven for salivating Obama-ites like me. We can't trust McCain to vet his VP choice, after having 6 months to do little else besides work on it, but we should put his brittle, trembling, possibly cancerous finger on The Button? 

Before you accuse me of being a partisan hack, you should know that I have met John McCain. Twice. Once was in 8th grade, on a field trip to DC. Marc Walker, Peter Ranger, Jenny Van Loo, and one other kid stopped by the Senate. McCain's secretary went in to his office and told him some young Arizonans were here. He came out and chatted us up. Even gave us some Senate swag. Lapel pins for our Izod shirts, dont'cha know. (Marc Walker's Izod was pink, if I remember correctly, and no doubt he was popping his collar.) Is this who we want as President? Someone who fritters away precious work time glad-handing middle schoolers? And spending untold cents of taxpayers' paychecks on lapel pins to try to win (future) votes? Enemy of pork, indeed.

Second time was summer 1990. McCain spoke to us at Boys' State, which that year was held at Northern Arizona University (Go Lumberjacks!). If you haven't heard if it, Boys' State is a 3 or 4 day mock government camp, it brings in boys from all over a state. Sponsored by the American Legion, so it's very traditional and patriotic. (Except that all we wanted to talk about was what BS music censorship was. 2 Live Crew had clearly made an impression on us white boys) There's also Girls' State, and it's sponsored by the Daughters of the American Revolution sucks. They don't let them do anything fun. It's like a gulag. (a girl-ag?) 

We got to make friends and order Domino's and stay up pretty late and compare notes on what the girls back home were willing/eager to do, or not. Not to repeat adolescent male bragging as historical fact, but ... on second thought, I'll not repeat it at all. 

Anyway, it's 6 am and I need to start my day. So I should get to my point: McCain is a crazy American. He told us this story (which is now standard stump material) about his cellmate in Hanoi. Mike Christian sewed an American flag inside his shirt, then got beaten quite badly when the guards found it, then started sewing a new one that night, even though his eyes were practically swole shut. As I heard it then, and as I reflect on it now, this story has many possible morals: 

1. Never sew.
2. Watch where you're going, especially when bombing North Vietnam.
3. Flags are neato.
4. McCain CRAZY.

I'm going with 1,2 and 4. Keep in mind, the audience is all 16 and 17 year old boys, and the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait happens about a month after this speech. And what does McCain want us young men in the flower of our youth to know? That WE'RE NUMBER ONE! Chant with me now, folks, U-S-A! U-S-A! 5 years of torture, and he concludes that allegiance to one's flag is where it's at? Apparently, yours is not to question why we're bombing North Vietnamese civilians who couldn't find the US on a map, yours is to do or die, or, failing those 2, sew.

War hero? Sure. Better than most of the deadbeats in Congress? No doubt. But a thoughtful decision maker he is not. Soon, voters will see this. They will either stay home or Gobama. Mark my words.

On a side note, that scrawny cat is stopping by nightly, meowing thru the door at me. There's actually like 3 of them. I've started a cat-watch, so the next time we see one, we'll get a picture.

check for updates!